FORGIVE THYSELF....

I know there are people out there who probably look like they've got their shit together but are the people damaged the most on the inside because they can't forgive themselves for things that happened in the past or situations that they could have changed or were beyond their control but still hold themselves captive by taking the blame.

These situations could be separated parents where the children blame themselves for the separation. Others believing they saw the red flags and could have something about it. While the parents are blaming themselves for not seeing the downward spiral or they saw it and wish they'd done some things differently or not...others believing the maltreatment they received from their spouse who'd stopped appreciating and respecting them is their fault.
Another situation could be accepting all negativity thrown at you by your family,friends that betray you before long,relationships with either male or female spouses not lasting because you believe you are the problem.....most times your not the problem. Most people just can't handle 'great people'. Your probably made of really awesome stuff that most weak,ignorant and inferior people around you can't take it! Your not doing anything phenomenal right now you believe because you already are phenomenal!! It could be your way of life,your gigantic personality,your outstanding grades that even your teachers and family don't acknowledge thus bringing your self-esteem down.
Make your peace with yourself first and forgive yourself first. Human beings won't forgive you just because you apologised so let that be their own cross to carry. You acknowledged you were wrong and you've apologised genuinely. Good. Leave them to their fate. You win some you lose some. You matter most to yourself. You don't owe anyone anything but yourself. They choose to torment,taunt,insult and ridicule you for it. Fine. That's their burden. They've gone ahead and attracted negative energy to themselves. That negativity usually manifests itself after sometime. Either you start getting attacked with diseases like heart failure,high blood pressure,depression,chronic anger etc. Rarely manifests immediately. Their relationships could start falling apart,their grades start dwindling,work they enjoyed starts being a burden,losing friends,start avoiding people they know,abandon activities or hobbies they used to love...that's the fate they'd have chosen for choosing to make your mistake theirs! So love thyself,forgive thyself and appreciate thyself. People will love you the way you love yourself. If you show you don't value yourself....no one will either. Very few people of substance will stick around.the people that are mentally strong,wise and not inferior. Those are the ones that should matter. Even if your family believes you are a joker,a mistake, the black sheep and most people act like your invisible or insignificant and your only relevant when you've done something wrong. Yes,it hurts! Yes,it feels AWFUL! Yes,it'll give you issues like inferiority complex and make you believe you really are hopeless. Okay,so you made a mistake or several really bad choices and hanged out with the least desirable group of people and eventually ended up at the wrong places at the wrong time wether your guilty or not. Fine! That's happened! Your already beating yourself about it. So let the one who never made a mistake be the first to throw stones! Sadly as human beings it is hardwired in our systems to judge or jump to conclusions and see the worst of situations. They will judge you especially the ones who have made the most mistakes themselves and are now somewhere of relevance. Some believe they are shaping you others (still wrong) are just being spiteful maybe to console themselves or pacify their concious' of their own past mistakes that at that time appear smaller than your current mistake or bad choice. Whichever it is, its not your fault how people respond to your mistakes. Anger in most cases could be justified but 'judgement' isn't. Spite,malice,betrayal,unappreciation,insults....(Just naming afew)...these reactions aren't your fault. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions but how they deal with them isn't your fault. As long as you learn to forgive yourself first you'll understand. You were put on this earth for a reason....find it! Even babies that are still births are lessons though most people tend to believe they are punishments. Maybe God is teaching you not to take anything for granted. Maybe you were drifting apart from your significant other and the tragedy brings you closer..God knows best.
You weren't a miscarriage,a still birth..you are alive and have most of your faculties working just the way they should!! You are your own worst obstacle.  Because if you rely on people to define who you are then you'll never learn who you are even to yourself and that's where the biggest problem is. You need to love yourself unconditionally with all your flaws and the mistakes you did especially when you had a choice to make the right decision. Everyone has made mistakes just because they aren't publicized or aren't being condemned with them they are with yours doesn't make them perfect or better than you. People dwell on your mistakes and wrong choices. They condemn you,they remind you comstantly about them,they use them against you when you don't act the way they want you to or they are having a bad day. While others are just evil like that. They dangle them in your face whenever they feel like it even in public especially when they have an audience. Right? And that crushes you right? Good. You are human and that's wrong. You know that. Your not embracing their attacks. Honestly,why should anyone forgive you if you can't forgive yourself?!  So why do they do it?! Why do they have to go so low just to bring you down?! Is that even necessary? It is by the way and its not at the same time. Its to make you work harder probably in never making the same mistake again and relinquishing power from that person to stop them from rubbing it in your face. Its to make you actually soul search and make your peace with it and be able to fight back when you need to. Then there's the fact its not necessary.....who are they? Who made them perfect? Who made them God? Why are people forgetting a sin is a sin to God. Killing and lying are both equal in God's eyes. That's why murderers,rapists and people who tell small white lies are all forgiven by God the minute they go on their knees and cry out for forgiveness.
The little I know about such vicious,vindictive,malicious and spiteful people is that they are fighting their own battles with inferiority complex. They are consoling themselves and their mistakes with yours. They aren't happy...probably someone is doing the same to them and they now believe its ok to do it to you. In some cases they just enjoy bringing you down because you are just intimidating to them and the only way they can mask it or deal with it is try to bring you down or break your spirit that appears to be soaring so high!
But the best part about it or rather what I take comfort in is when you hit rock bottom or placed last on a list....there's only one way to go but up! So put down that baggage and forgive yourself. Life would be really boring and monotonous anyways if everyone was perfect. Right? So please quit being your own obstacle to happiness and living out your maximum potential.

                    XOXO;

                      Getty Uncensored