YOU

Oh my God! 

I DO NOT like YOU!! 

For the life of me I CANNOT fathom WHY you casually walked into my to create a literal PANDEMONIUM in every aspect of my being! Aarrgghh.

We are often told to kick out people who add no value to our lives live in our heads rent free. Now, as far as I’m concerned YOU DO NOT add value to my life in any way, type, shape or form! But here YOU are creating CHAOS, spear heading protests and above all YOU are holding me at gunpoint with my hands tied behind my back! My ONLY initial question in my life when dealing with a human creating such TURMOIL in my life is ‘WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE'??!!

Oh! How I have asked this question!!! My pride laughs at me! My mental faculties are like....’you aren’t solving global warming might aswel let this human just 'hang' in here'. My guardian angels literally having a whole shin dig to my total and utter cry for help! God up there smirking. My ancestors be like ‘we left that human plane. Don’t involve us'. And I am GOBSMACKED! The universe and everything that’s always had my back has taken the back seat, crossed their legs and are sipping on my anguish with wanton relish! Throwing a 'cheers' every so often.

I haven’t cried yet.....I want to so I can get YOU out of my system like I do with all viruses! My system has decided YOU run this sh*t!! Oh how I curse YOU! I’ve woken up at 3am to REBUKE YOU! And I can literally hear the people in my head snickering. Aaarrggghhh. God on the other hand is like....’G this is a very powerful hr to waste prayers on this’. YOU have TESTED my faith! My relationship with God too!! You automatically have my guardian Angels  in your corner!! A monumental feat!! My people???!!! The people that move heaven and earth to protect me have embraced ‘YOU’???!!! Again begs the question....the fundamental yet super basic query....WHO ARE YOU??? Better yet....WHAT ARE YOU??? And I also have to check out the box of ‘WHO SENT YOU'??? 

All I want is to talk to you ALL the time. I have conversations with you in my head constantly. Anything that happens in my life you’re the first person I want to tell. YOU got my unique sense of humour. Caught all my puns. Conversations with you were  DIVINELY WONDROUS. Then classic Getty did what I always do and started fighting you for making me feel good. I started having tantrums and champions league type of mood swings because I NEVER know what to do or act when my emotions want to overthrow my brain. I can say it but I won’t show it which renders the words redundant. Yeah. Grow up. I know. Sigh. 

I hate not being in control in my own life. My feelings included. Any hint of mental or emotional disorganization that a human will be bring my way, I’m out the door. Anything I can't psycho analyse I can't handle. Feelings being the gate keeper of this problem. I know feelings can't be explained but the way my brain is wired....it has to make sense up there 1st so the rest of the body can be allowed to embrace it.

Other than having a blast with YOU. I DO NOT know YOU. I know absolutely NOTHING about you and here is my arsenal embracing YOU. Holding on to YOU. Yearning for YOU. Craving for YOU. Which is RIDICULOUS. My spirit KNOWS YOU. My guardian angels TRUST YOU. My God and His angels including the seven archangels won’t even listen to me when it comes to YOU. My ancestors have warned me to let them actually rest because YOU are not a threat. My mind relishes accommodating you rent free. I am on my own when it comes YOU.

I have been living in denial. Fighting even my spirit and God Himself when it comes to YOU. Nobody I explain it to understands me. Some claim ‘love portion' but I know my spirit would have repelled YOU if that was so. My guardian angels wouldn’t allow that. My mind would have shut you out because I am NOBODY’S puppet! God would have responded to my prayers like He always does. My ancestors would be up in arms. There would be an uproar in my arsenal. But it’s not business as usual with you. 

I still can’t cry. The only thing I’ve realised is YOU aren’t the usual viruses my being is used to yet it trusts YOU. So YOU weren’t brought into my life to hurt me. Clearly. Zero tears. No heartbreak. Just longing, craving, yearning and wishing. Do I care if you’re with someone else? Hmm...I’ve tried to care honestly. I genuinely don’t care. I just want YOU. In whatever capacity. The probability of showing you this are 99% NIL. YOU see that???? Right there!! That’s the crux of the matter! I’m NOT even jealous! AGAIN...what are YOU???!!!

 I hate that I can’t purge YOU from my energy. I have TRIED!!

How does this story end?? I feel like there's a lesson I should be learning with this and for the life of me I can't put my finger on it!

Will just have to ride out this tsunami I guess. My wits have abandoned me. My intuition goes suspiciously quiet when it comes to YOU. I am flying blind. Literally and figuratively. 

Getty Uncensored.