THE 'D' GRADE. (cause it's father's day!!)

First and foremost...
HAPPIEST FATHER’S DAY TO ALL THE FATHERS AND MOTHERS FILLING BOTH SHOES!!!
Now this ‘D’ grade is all about the father’s that actually stuck around and earned themselves the sterling ‘Daddy’ name.
Almost every male human being on earth can be a father but it takes a whole other breed of male humans to make a ‘Daddy’. (Get your minds out of the gutter people! It’s father's day!!)
I have been blessed with the most INVOLVED dad that it gets annoying almost everyday and every hour if he wasn’t busy. Growing up it was really suffocating. But now as an adult I truly APPRECIATE him. I’ve grown up with friends who talk to their fathers out of a sense of ‘duty’. Others because society and culture and religious teachings tell us we should answer when called by an adult and especially your parent. I love my father. No matter how long his calls get..
..i cherish them. Plus he’s really ENTERTAINING!! Hihihi. I get some of my creativity and theatrics from him. I’m not saying we don’t fuss and fight. We do! We are both stubborn, love having things our way and we definitely have very parallel ways of looking at life and living it. But he’s my first love. He made sure I understood that on my bad days he is there. Whether I like it or not. He makes sure during my heart breaks....(i never tell him but he always knows)...he reminds me over and over how beautiful iam and how lucky any man would be to have me. This man right here fights even ME and my stubborn and rebellious self just to keep me close. Why would I settle for less?! I LOVE YOU DAD. No matter what happens I APPRECIATE you.
Now both my parents have helped raised most of my orphaned or abandoned cousins and even non relatives. And they are even more ‘nosy’ (And I mean that in the most affectionate way) with all their adopted children. There’s just this one problem.....the abandoned children they’ve raised have fathers. Now it got to a place the fathers started reaching out and my parents refused to let them into their biological children's lives. I also thought it was to protect my adopted siblings but as an adult and with all the ‘daddy issues’ loitering around I’ve realised my parents might have thought it was for the best but it never was.
Why? Because my adopted siblings are carrying around lethal portions of bitterness and resentment towards their biological parents and even extended relatives at large. Asking “why didn’t you come for us?” “Why didn’t you fight hard enough to get us?” “where have you been?” “what was so important?” And what have you. Which is natural. We all want people who claim to love us or who should love whether they want to or not (our parents) to actually fight for us. As an adult I now understand that our parents shape us into the human beings we are or still becoming and there’s nothing we can do about it. If you have a great dad you want be like him when you grow up and even emulate him in bringing up your children and how you treat women. Then if he’s just a terrible person. He abandoned you. He was there but never provided. Never supported you. You couldn't  even talk to him and he was right there. Or if he was a drunkard or junkie. Or never treated your mother well......all these negatives will make you want to be better than him. Be a better man for yourself, your spouse and even your children. But! Some actually take this as an example and follow in those  negative footsteps. Either way our parents shape us into the human beings we become.
My simple suggestion....don’t hide your children from their biological fathers or mothers and relatives. Don’t be the reason they don’t know their roots. Don’t stand in their way of growth. Let them decide. You can only guide and counsel them. You can’t change their DNA no matter what. So you laid the bed now you got to lie in It!! Respect your children's heritage! Whether their fathers earn the sterling ‘D’ grade or not is up to them!

 Happy father’s day once again to the sterling Dads out there!!!

THEE 'V' MONOLOGUES (part 1).

I'm calling this upcoming series.....thee 'V' monologues' meaning....thee 'VENTING' monologues. A girl has got to vent at some point anyway.

There’s a particular ‘human being’ I was quite unfortunate to encounter in my journey of this life.
This human being has all the makings of a bad egg plant. ‘Eeww’?! I know! Anyways so we were ‘friends’ or rather I ASSUMED so. We got to know each other.....blah blah. The usual customary shenanigans that go with any new friendship. Then out of nowhere she starts creating issues and I’m like ‘whoa!’ what in the world is going on here?! Any usual reaction. Right? And the worst part is I personally was never confronted. Though confronting is usually not an easy feat. But as ‘friends’ that shouldn’t be a problem. I mean...you ‘know’ me. Ehe, so she takes the issue to the public. It gets back to me ofcourse. Then the ‘confrontation’ meet is held finally. And this human being can’t solidly express the issue she's got with me and I lost it. Like seriously, don’t come for me if you ain’t got anything solid to throw my way.

Bottom line is;
 1) MY LIFE doesn’t revolve around You! I actually have a life. I have my beauty sleep to keep up with. I have my hustle I’m working on. I have other relationships to tend to....etc.

2) Herself was never a day she actually came through for me. None. It’s been a year now by the way. And I’ve replayed that short period over and over and yes....heifer. You never came through. Best be sure.

3) I’m so sorry for ever coming across your particular type of ‘heifersm’. Because to be honest I insulted my INTELLECT. I insulted my upbringing. I can now thank my folks for their PERSISTENCE in discipline socially and otherwise.

4) My mistake was my misplaced loyalty. Especially in fighting your battles that never even concerned me. In fact I was never there when you picked them. Should have noticed the glaring fact that you never keep friends. But I wasn’t built to judge. Most unfortunate!
I fight a good fight. Verbally and physically but above all I write best. And you were never worth even the time leave alone the energy.
Moral: No matter what NEVER ever let anyone take you for a joy ride. Life is way too short for joyrides. I’m not talking about relationships. Those are a whole different story. That i’ll get to soon.
Don’t let friendships bring you down simply because they can. Pick your struggles. Pick your fights. You’ve got your gut feeling or your instincts. TRUST them! We all have 999 problems and draining friendships shouldn’t be one.
This particular type of ‘human beings’ will use you then when they're done...they’ll act you did them wrong and leave things messy as they move on to ‘USE’ someone else. It’s never you. It’s them. Let’s learn from our mistakes.

Yours Uncensored.

(stay tuned😈).

THE 'F' WORD

This is for all the people out there that their families or people they thought would be there for them through the worst times of their lives......but I’m all about family today.

Fact is we can’t choose family. That’s determined and chosen the second we are conceived in our mother's wombs. As long as she’s ovulating and responds to her hormones. (Had to get crude). From then henceforth your family is firmly ENGRAVED on STONE. From your parents, siblings to cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents to the entire clan!! You’re even eternally tied to your ancestors no matter who they were. Such is life.

Now; we all grow up believing and knowing that as long as you got family......you're entitled to certain privileges we ‘assume’ are our rights and that applies to everyone that came way before us.
Privileges like; being loved just as you are.....being supported no matter what....being helped whenever or however....
You can imagine your brain's SHOCK when family isn’t what it used to be. Parents and relatives actually CHOOSE who to support amongst you and your siblings plus cousins and even distant relatives you didn’t even know you had!!  I mean “dad/mom!! Err.....excuse me!! Like I’m right here! Not doing so well.....so like....um....I NEED your HELP too!! Can’t you see that?! I’m worse off here!” And blah blah blah. Your silent cries turn into outbursts or tantrums or you simply shut down.
Family isn't a “privilege” our generation gets to enjoy. And I’m NOT talking about “ALL” families on this planet. But ‘most’ and the numbers are growing alarmingly. Our forefathers were beyond blessed. Nobody gave up on anybody. Especially FAMILY. Aunties, uncles and grandparents would worry about their grandchildren, nieces and nephews. Even from distant relatives and even chip in and OFFER help. In fact they would shove the help in your face whether you wanted/liked or not.

In all honesty human beings will always be human beings. We are a very ‘SPECIAL’ type of species.
We easily take things and people for granted. Even as we lose people around us friend, foe and stranger.....you’d think something would spark off in our brains to straighten atleast just one relationship in our lives and APPRECIATE this gift of life that we've been blessed with and treat each other better. Instead ‘selfishness’ is taking root and spreading like wild fire.
My heart breaks for the potential leaders, record breaking artists, next level type of innovators etc that are currently SLOWLY dying inside because you look worthless to the people around you and especially your family. Wherever you are I hope you get to read this. All hope isn’t lost. As long as you have hope. Hope that tomorrow will be better. The biggest and most fulfilling love of all is you loving yourself first. Accept that nobody's perfect. Accept your imperfections. That’s your identity. They are what make you special. Your own brand of ‘perfect’. Own it. Love it. Use it.
Family is still made up of human beings. At the end of the day everyone in it is busy fighting their own share of battles with the world and within themselves. They’ll talk you down. They’ll act like they know how to help you ‘sort’ you out but mostly give up or lose interest. Listen....accept your weaknesses and strengthen your strengths. Love yourself above all. You will most definitely attract the people you need around you. They themselves won’t understand what drew them to you. It will be LOVE. LOVE for yourself will turn the energy around you into positive energy.
Positive energy attracts human beings to it like a magnet. After all is said and done no man is an island. We all need our fellow humans one way or another.
Don’t let family acting out....acting shady.....or even kicking you out into the streets keep you from loving yourself. Many times we ask ourselves why? Stop it. As long as you’re an adult and not a kid. Work on yourself. Work hard. Love all your family members. Even the ones that let you down or didn’t believe in you and even the ones that refused to help you out outright. Love them from a distance. Let the grudges go. Let go of the bitterness. It’s cultivating into negative energy that you most definitely don’t need. Your family loves you but they're still HUMAN. We all need to realise not everyone is ‘visionary’. Otherwise we would all be very RICH. If we all saw into each other's potential. We would all invest in each other. But, alas! That's definitely not happening with this generation! Sad fact. But....you have yourself! Live! Love! Grow! Eat! Learn! Laugh!

                 

TEACHER TEACHETH

   

For most of my late tens......(yes 'tens'. The years between 1 and 10.) I've  heard many of my teachers and the adults in my life say over and over how 'experience is the best teacher' and I never fully grasped its meaning then until recently.
Sure you can play with actual fire as a Baby and realize it's no toy. That it burns and leaves you in pain and most importantly....it leaves you with scars. A permanent painful reminder. So with that experience....you learn to avoid it. Thus the 'teacher teacheth'.

Now...in my present years....im far more 'experienced' with the phrase. And it just suddenly hit me that people often drop the phrase around and we the receivers don't really give it much thought. When we actually should. This phrase is usually used when words fail our 'advisers' or the shoulders we are crying on.

Let me cut to the chase. Life's SHORT! And 2016 just confirmed it. Not many of us can even whisper to ourselves what we've done this year that we'd set out to do with our new year resolutions or them 'to-do lists'. Some of us didn't ditch the douche bags or the infamous *fuck boys*. Others are still in abusive relationships. And many other 'sob' stories.
Here's what I need to say....im not a psychologist nor a therapist or even a life coach but I know for sure that 'experience truly is the best teacher'. But we don't acknowledge that simple fact. We instead take cover in 'what doesn't kill me makes me stronger'. Honestly there are a billion situations where that just doesn't apply. Would you jump in front of a bus to check if you'll die?! 

When your spouse is cheating and you find out...how does it make you feel?! When someone male/female walks into your life and uses you plus your resources and most likely ruin your other relationships.....how does it make you feel?! When someone you trust steala from you....how does it make you feel?! When you're trying to date but the guy or girl is all over the place and acting shady....how does that make you feel?! When you lose your one source of income.......or someone you care about....how does that make you feel?!
I'm not here to give you solutions or tell how you should feel. Or blame the people that brought you misery. That's not the objective here.

I just need you to embrace your hurt,your pain,your betrayal,your loss......feel it. And ask yourself; do I love feeling like this? Do I like being betrayed? Do I enjoy being bullied? Do I like being abused? If the answer is no. Then say NO. Not only to yourself but to the situation. We can't live our lives trying to change people or make excuses for them. They made their mistakes when they hurt you, abused you,used you,stole from you......(they can steal your happiness,freedom...etc. doesn't have to be material things only).

So because your own life, happiness, freedom,peace and general well-being is of absolute priority.....do the SIMPLEST thing ever. Just REMOVE yourself from the negativity. Simple as that. Because you can't change a human being's behaviour. They must want to change. Otherwise you'll be hollering 'giddy up!!!!' To a dead horse and life's too short not to live it making yourself happy.

But if you enjoy pain and love the feeling of people oppressing you, exploiting you and your resources then please don't let me stop you. Keep making your mistakes. Live off of your mistakes. Let your mistakes keep you away from being the very best you can be. Keep 'experiencing' your mistakes and at your own time.....you will stop thriving on 'what doesn't kill me makes me stronger'.

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LIVE LOVE LEARN

Always wondered why your mere existence makes some and most likely MOST of the people around you and even your own family green with the eyed monster famously known as ENVY or simply bat shit crazy?!

Out of the yellows human beings you were sure were your friends and the others….you literally share DNA with start being quardripolar,malicious,vindictive and simply give the chameleon a run for its ability to change to whatever its environs are!!
Well worry no more…...its a SIMPLE fact that after repetition from my pastor that I finally understood what was going on. Nobody and I mean NOBODY throws stones at a barren tree. People are always throwing stones at trees that bear fruits.

Live not in anguish anymore. Live not in fright no more. You can tell them off as much as you want to when you discover them. Hell, I'm not the person to tell you not to cause I do it myself like I studied for it. Hehehe.
Drop the dead weight. Cut them off! Life's way too short to keep hindrances,nuisances and especially enemies of your progress in your life.

Learn to love your own company. Do what your good at. Them green eyed monster human beings will try to close doors quite openly when the battle lines have been drawn but fear not. Work with all you’ve at whatever your working at or what your working towards. And most IMPORTANTLY keep it to yourself!!!

Sadly it is human nature to want people to do well but not better than them. So to hell with the nay sayers, the disbelievers and the haters.
Infact the haters are just bitter cause you got what they’d love to have and will work tirelessly to break you down psychologically,emotionally,mentally and even spiritually.
Keep your head high,shoulders and back and your genuine cheer leaders CLOSE. Not forgetting your mentors (if you have any).

Yours truly singlepolarly,

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TERMITE TERRITORY.

   So here goes…..FAMILY.

This is the essence of all our existence. Whether you are an orphan, abandoned or you believe you have the craziest fellows in your family and most times you feel like an outsider or adopted. Doesn’t  matter. Family is family and you ended up in that family for a reason. You might have no idea but everyone in your crazy or MIA family plays their own unique part.

Out of my extremely observant big eye…..i have witnessed the most dysfunctional families, the craziest and even the most broken and detached but when push comes to shove everyone magically styles up and puts all their differences aside to deal with the calamity, tragedy or issue that has risen against the family.

Not one family on this planet is perfect. NOT ONE! But the most admiral trait ‘family’ has is the fact that they’ve perfected the art of keeping their dirty linen and weaknesses to themselves. After all, all your issues aren’t anybody else’s business but yours so why share when most people literally do a ‘jig’ behind your back celebrating your issues. The epitome of green snakes in our green grass like I had so generously descriptively described in one of my previous articles.

Enough of the mushy stories about family. We all know family has the ability to break or build us and sadly there’s nothing we can do about it. Relax. (all y’all raising your eyebrows. I see you). I’ll explain. Time to expose the ‘termites’ in the foundations of our families’ proverbial ‘wood’.

So in most families we have;

 The ‘thief’ or ‘thieves’. That even steal from their own siblings,cousins,parents and the rest of the relatives given the opportunity.

The ‘drunkards/addicts’ of one substance or another and its completely controlling their lives.

The ‘school dropouts’ ending up as liabilities or burdens of one design or another.

The ‘gay/lesbian and even bisexual’. We can all claim there’s no problem with these guys but we know the generation that is our parents’ and grandparents’ are left with a bitter taste in their mouths. Especially in our african cultures. It is still a serious stigma.

The ‘hopeless communicator’. Never answers calls or respond to texts. Thus missing out on most family functions.

I could go on forever but none of the above is a heartache like…

The ‘termites’ in the family. These fellows are far worse than the hypocritical friends, colleagues and spouses. For the fact that they are family….they already have the upper hand of knowing things a friend wouldn’t unless you chose to tell them. But family members don’t have to wait for you to tell. Stories have a way of spreading like wildfire between relatives.

So the termites are far worse than the green snakes. Atleast with a snake no matter the type of camouflage it takes to….it loses its snakeskin. Doesn’t matter how long it hides waiting to pounce. Scientifically and naturally, it has to grow and when that happens it sheds its old skin. Which the cant camouflage anymore because it’s dead skin. It’s all white, off white, brown. It completely loses its ability to hide. So obviously in green grass that ought to stand out. (Stay with me people!)

Their counterparts the ‘termites’ are SPECIAL. Far worse than the shedding green snakes. Termites eat wood from the inside out. You won’t easily notice. And by the time you notice the wood is all eaten up and you have to incur expenses to get yourself some new wood though I would advice you on getting plastic. No hiding its defects. No animal or insect eats it. And it either breaks, bends or burns. Either way you get to notice its defect the minute it happens. Perfect way of life to keep out the termites and snakes of our lives. Right? I wish!

What do the ‘termites’ of the family do? They create mayhem. They weaken the loyalty ties within the family. They turn family members against themselves. My big question is……to what end? To achieve what?

How these ‘termites’ manage to sleep or look at themselves in the mirror is beyond me. Why would you go around spreading your family issues and weaknesess plus failures to outsiders? Just because its not you that the issue has befallen. Forgetting that our families define us to the outside world. Especially it being so judgemental, stifling and so ready to stick every individual with one stigma or another.

A nasty rumour arises out of nowhere about you amongst your friends and in the family…….we would rather kill a friend than simply accept it was either a sister or brother or first cousin who spread it. Most times we end up cutting people from our lives because of “he/she said”. We all got to learn something I learnt the hard way and cover your bases…..ask  just one question…”when all this was being said what were you doing or saying?” It is in human nature to do and say stupid things especially against a loved one.

With these termites I could go on forever…. But I know my distinguished readers are a sharp bunch. You get it.

Bottomline; we live in an era of man eat man. Survival being strictly for the fittest; mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically.  Although, physical strength doesn’t really count in the face of termites, green snakes, pigeons and despicable us. Sad fact. But it is what it is.

                                                Yours candidly;

                                                  Getty Uncensored.

P.S: I STILL LOVE YOU

Its been ages; my bad.

So I have been ‘observing’ a whole lot of myself. I took time out  and checked myself out.

There’s no doubt that im a work in progress.

Im what I like to call an ‘uncut diamond’. I am mostly the ‘what you see is what you get’ type of person and that is changing. Negatively? I have no idea but most definitely I am learning that NO ONE gets what they give so fiercely, is what one gets in return.

I was ALL loyalty and no tolerance for anyone who was the tiniest bit ‘disloyal’ if I considered your actions leaned into that category. It didn’t matter what my parents, siblings, friends, relatives had done to warrant your reaction. And now im just here like…eerrrr….(crickets) what type of life was i living? I never once stopped to think that the other party apart from my loved could actually have every right to go on and retaliate or act out the way they did due to the offence made by my ‘loved ones’. (iam using that term very loosely). I wasn’t living my life I was living theirs. I couldn’t talk or associate with people who could have probably added value In my life because someone not really doing much in my life was having issues with that person. So I concluded I wasn’t being loyal. I was being STUPID. Especially when the person you are defending turns around and literally bites off your nose! Because waiting for you to turn your back so they bite your ass is taking too long!

Apart from that I have also realized im not a good friend anymore. I am making my really old friends and the new friends I have made and still making PAY for some of my ‘friends’ mistakes. I just want to tell you all now that those that feel like i swept you under the rug that you aren't the problem…..IAM!

Accepting my mistakes will hopefully heal my issues. I am not only cautious but gotten literally FRIGHTENED. I have had people walk into my life to get the little I have to offer and run right back out. I don’t easily share my ‘dysfunctional’ family issues orANY of my other issues because in all HONESTY its none of any one’s business. But when I do you and you go preaching the gospel around then we automatically stop being friends. That’s just WRONG.

I have been on a journey of self analyzation and self preservation for 2years. In this period I have lost,gained and retained friendships. Some constructive and others quite destructive. I have come to realise that there are certain friends for certain departments of your life. Not all friends can handle ALL parts of you. So when you are asked to pick them wisely…..find out where who belongs. Not completely cut everyone off because they couldn’t handle ALL your parts. They are human after all and when it comes to ‘endurance’, ‘tolerance’, ‘loyalty’ and the plain crude ‘honesty’ humanity has the best track record of sprinting as furthest from you as possible. If you want such a friend get a dog. Please!

I am the champion of champions when it comes to cutting people off and the paragraph above is what I have learnt. The hard way. Mind you im not saying keep around people whom you are sure are drilling holes in your boat. Lets all just wisen up.

I have a very interesting brain. My brain just goes into OVERDRIVE when I smell anything fishy that my so called friend is upto and I WAIT tirelessly to CONFIRM my observations or instincts about your transgressions. Then when I pounce on you with my allegations and most times facts my brain SHUTS DOWN. It just completely SHUTS YOU OUT.  I have realized my brain cant hack stress . No matter how many times a third party tries to make me repair a burnt bridge I just cant. As long as your issue undergoing some type of processing in my head…..i CANNOT look at you let alone trying to work something out with you.

I love fiercely but sprint away even more fiercely when burnt and I have third degree burns of all sorts from people I once gave myself to wholeheartedly. I have been loyal to a fault to so many people who didn’t deserve it and now the people that could actually use it and need it I cant afford to give it to them because im just  ‘over it’. Like, it doesn’t matter anymore. Like, ‘who cares’???

I should have learnt much earlier to put people where they belong in my life. It would have saved me the headaches and heartaches. Problem is the green snakes in our green grass are the best actresses and actors not forgetting with the sweetest tongues.  The oscars in hollywood and the recognition that comes with it is going to the WRONG people. These snakes deserve recognition and some awards coz they do it like they are being paid!

I have missed my friends weddings, baby showers and bachelorette parties in my lifetime and I just need to say I AM SORRY. To all my friends and everyone who considers me a friend to him or her and my family that feels I let them down by being aloof , passive and not at all interested in the milestones in their lives and everything else. I AM TRULY, ABSOLUTELY, COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SORRY. This is me telling you all now that I know I have pushed most of you away with my silence and inability to commit to be with you when you need me to. if you were wondering what you did wrong that I haven't confronted you with it then you should know that its not you. I am. All relationships need EFFORT and I have been slacking. And as my friends or frenemies we all know that if I had an issue with ou….confronting you wouldn’t be it. HEHEHE.

Iam working towards stopping you from paying for other people’s mistakes in my past and present.  You people are truly remarkable. You still call in or text to check in on me and your patience humbles me. As much as I know how fabulous I already am!! Lol. No pun intended.  A more ‘organised’ Getty has been conceived.

P.S: I STILL LOVE YOU ALL.

                                                                             With Love;

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