P.S: I STILL LOVE YOU

Its been ages; my bad.

So I have been ‘observing’ a whole lot of myself. I took time out  and checked myself out.

There’s no doubt that im a work in progress.

Im what I like to call an ‘uncut diamond’. I am mostly the ‘what you see is what you get’ type of person and that is changing. Negatively? I have no idea but most definitely I am learning that NO ONE gets what they give so fiercely, is what one gets in return.

I was ALL loyalty and no tolerance for anyone who was the tiniest bit ‘disloyal’ if I considered your actions leaned into that category. It didn’t matter what my parents, siblings, friends, relatives had done to warrant your reaction. And now im just here like…eerrrr….(crickets) what type of life was i living? I never once stopped to think that the other party apart from my loved could actually have every right to go on and retaliate or act out the way they did due to the offence made by my ‘loved ones’. (iam using that term very loosely). I wasn’t living my life I was living theirs. I couldn’t talk or associate with people who could have probably added value In my life because someone not really doing much in my life was having issues with that person. So I concluded I wasn’t being loyal. I was being STUPID. Especially when the person you are defending turns around and literally bites off your nose! Because waiting for you to turn your back so they bite your ass is taking too long!

Apart from that I have also realized im not a good friend anymore. I am making my really old friends and the new friends I have made and still making PAY for some of my ‘friends’ mistakes. I just want to tell you all now that those that feel like i swept you under the rug that you aren't the problem…..IAM!

Accepting my mistakes will hopefully heal my issues. I am not only cautious but gotten literally FRIGHTENED. I have had people walk into my life to get the little I have to offer and run right back out. I don’t easily share my ‘dysfunctional’ family issues orANY of my other issues because in all HONESTY its none of any one’s business. But when I do you and you go preaching the gospel around then we automatically stop being friends. That’s just WRONG.

I have been on a journey of self analyzation and self preservation for 2years. In this period I have lost,gained and retained friendships. Some constructive and others quite destructive. I have come to realise that there are certain friends for certain departments of your life. Not all friends can handle ALL parts of you. So when you are asked to pick them wisely…..find out where who belongs. Not completely cut everyone off because they couldn’t handle ALL your parts. They are human after all and when it comes to ‘endurance’, ‘tolerance’, ‘loyalty’ and the plain crude ‘honesty’ humanity has the best track record of sprinting as furthest from you as possible. If you want such a friend get a dog. Please!

I am the champion of champions when it comes to cutting people off and the paragraph above is what I have learnt. The hard way. Mind you im not saying keep around people whom you are sure are drilling holes in your boat. Lets all just wisen up.

I have a very interesting brain. My brain just goes into OVERDRIVE when I smell anything fishy that my so called friend is upto and I WAIT tirelessly to CONFIRM my observations or instincts about your transgressions. Then when I pounce on you with my allegations and most times facts my brain SHUTS DOWN. It just completely SHUTS YOU OUT.  I have realized my brain cant hack stress . No matter how many times a third party tries to make me repair a burnt bridge I just cant. As long as your issue undergoing some type of processing in my head…..i CANNOT look at you let alone trying to work something out with you.

I love fiercely but sprint away even more fiercely when burnt and I have third degree burns of all sorts from people I once gave myself to wholeheartedly. I have been loyal to a fault to so many people who didn’t deserve it and now the people that could actually use it and need it I cant afford to give it to them because im just  ‘over it’. Like, it doesn’t matter anymore. Like, ‘who cares’???

I should have learnt much earlier to put people where they belong in my life. It would have saved me the headaches and heartaches. Problem is the green snakes in our green grass are the best actresses and actors not forgetting with the sweetest tongues.  The oscars in hollywood and the recognition that comes with it is going to the WRONG people. These snakes deserve recognition and some awards coz they do it like they are being paid!

I have missed my friends weddings, baby showers and bachelorette parties in my lifetime and I just need to say I AM SORRY. To all my friends and everyone who considers me a friend to him or her and my family that feels I let them down by being aloof , passive and not at all interested in the milestones in their lives and everything else. I AM TRULY, ABSOLUTELY, COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SORRY. This is me telling you all now that I know I have pushed most of you away with my silence and inability to commit to be with you when you need me to. if you were wondering what you did wrong that I haven't confronted you with it then you should know that its not you. I am. All relationships need EFFORT and I have been slacking. And as my friends or frenemies we all know that if I had an issue with ou….confronting you wouldn’t be it. HEHEHE.

Iam working towards stopping you from paying for other people’s mistakes in my past and present.  You people are truly remarkable. You still call in or text to check in on me and your patience humbles me. As much as I know how fabulous I already am!! Lol. No pun intended.  A more ‘organised’ Getty has been conceived.

P.S: I STILL LOVE YOU ALL.

                                                                             With Love;

                                                                               Getty Uncensored.